However, what if you want to send direct messages to users whom you aren’t friends with? What if you want to send them a friend request, but they aren’t accepting any? You’d probably want to ask them to add you by sending them a direct message? However, even those aren’t open to everyone. Are there ways to reach them out directly?
In this article, I’ll discuss how to DM someone on Discord without being friends. Let’s get started.
How to Send Direct Messages to Discord Users Who Are Not Your Friends
If you aren’t friends with someone on Discord, your best chance of being able to talk to them privately is if you share a common server. Other than that, you may also be able to DM users in the same group chat. There are also other methods you might want to try, and I’ll go into details for all of them below.
These are only doable to some extent, however, and it largely depends on their privacy settings. But first, let’s discuss how to private message other server members who aren’t on your friends’ list.
Sending DMs to Server Members
Even without being friends, you can still send a direct message to someone if you share a common server with them. Discord allows its users to send DMs to someone who isn’t their friend, as long as they are on the same server and the recipient’s privacy settings allow them to.
To send a direct message to a user who’s on the same server as you are, follow these steps:
Find the user on your common server. You can usually look them up by scrolling through the member’s area of the server, which you can find on the right part of the screen.
Alternatively, you can also find them on other parts of that particular server, such as the messaging field or on the channels they are in.
Right-click on the user’s profile icon.
Choose Message on the context menu.
You will be redirected to the direct message screen of the user. You can now send them a DM.
However, this will only work if this particular user’s privacy settings will allow them to accept DMs from other server members. If not, of course, you can’t send them a message. The default setting for any Discord user allows them to accept messages from members of the same server.
Unless they change this setting and toggle it off, you can send them direct messages.
If this setting is disabled and you can talk to them via other means (such as in a server channel or other social media apps), you can politely request them to turn it on for a while. Go to User Settings > Privacy and Safety > Server Privacy Defaults > Turn on “Allow direct messages from server members”. Of course, you can also ask them to add you as a friend so sending DMs will be much easier.
Other Methods You Can Try
I’ve compiled a few workarounds you can do to DM someone on Discord even if they’re not on your friend list. Here are some of them:
Using Their Discord Tag
Before you proceed: this method might be a bit too complicated for some. As it stands, there’s no way you can just search for someone who isn’t your friend on Discord and send them a message. Because of this, I’ve developed a small workaround you can do to achieve a similar effect. You can skip this part.
Discord tags are basically someone’s username plus a series of four-digit numbers. It’s usually formatted like DiscordUser#1234. You can’t search someone on Discord by their name, email, or even their username. You have to know the additional four-digit numbers in their Discord tag to find them.
Once you know a person’s Discord tag, you may be able to send them a direct message. Do the following steps:
On the Discord app’s homepage, click Friends.
Switch to the Add Friend tab. You can easily see it because it’s on a green button and highlighted, unlike the others.
On the search bar, type the complete Discord tag of the person you want to send a DM to.
Click the Send Friend Request button.
Yes, you’re essentially asking them to add you as a friend by doing this step. I know, this might not be the solution you’re looking for. However, you can’t proceed with the following steps if you don’t do so.
But, if they accept your friend request, then it will make everything easier.
If not, no harm, no foul. You can still send them a DM and even withdraw your friend request later.
Move to the Pending tab where the list of friend requests you’ve sent out can be found.
Right-click on the profile icon of the picture.
You will be redirected to the direct message screen. You can now send a message.
As I’ve said, this method is kind of a convoluted way to accomplish sending a DM to someone on Discord. For some, it works and for others, it doesn’t. Additionally, it might not also work if the user disabled friend requests in their safety settings.
If you prefer to DM them without trying to send a friend request, you might want to try other options.
Adding Them to a Server
If you aren’t on the same server, but you have a way to contact them outside of Discord, why not add them to a server?
Send the person an invite link to an existing server or a new server. If they join the particular server, you can now DM them more easily even without being friends.
DM someone on a group chat
You can also send a direct message to someone in a group chat. This process generally works the same way as to how we DM someone on Discord servers. Refer to the steps above for guidance.
Message them on other social media platforms
If they are totally unreachable on Discord, perhaps you can try to message them on their accounts on other social media platforms, such as Twitter and Instagram. Click on the person’s profile icon to see their Discord profile. Check if they have other social media or perhaps a business email where you can directly talk to them.
Why Can’t You Easily Message Someone on Discord Without Being Friends?
As one of the most popular instant messaging apps in the world, now used by gamers and non-gamers alike, Discord is home to millions of users. Like many social media apps, it has its fair share of privacy and safety problems, especially since users aren’t required to use their real names, etc.
Because of this (and plenty of other reasons), many users have reported being harassed, scammed, or threatened by other users through DM. After all, DMs are private and uncomfortable conversations can sometimes sprout there.
To prevent this, Discord implemented safety features for users, such as safe direct messaging. Discord users can choose who can send them friend requests. They can also disable messages from others, even those whom they share common servers with.
Of course, it’s perfectly understandable why anyone would choose to filter out incoming friends and message requests. Where privacy and safety are much of a concern in a platform, a lot of people would tend to adjust their settings to make the best out of their experience.
Moreover, before sending out a DM, check their profile if they’re open to private messages. Some users refuse to accept DMs. So, if they openly stated on their profile that they’re closed to private messaging, respect their preference. Instead, talk to them on community channels or group chats.
If the matter you want to discuss is really private and there’s no way to message them directly on Discord, find another way to contact them, like their Twitter account or email. Of course, as long as you have good intentions and aren’t spamming them.
Still, the best way you can have a seamless conversation with someone on Discord is if you’re friends with them. Try sending out a friend request. Unless they get loads of requests from other people or they have disabled it in the setting, they might add you to their list of friends on Discord.